1. I recently sent an e-mail to everyone in my department, and this is how it started:
In honor of Dr. John Brown’s retirement, you are cordially invited to a gathering to honor our colleague John Brown, who is retiring…
Do you think I got the point across? Maybe I should have been more explicit:
In honor of Dr. John Brown’s retirement, you are cordially invited to a gathering to honor our colleague John Brown, who is retiring. The retirement of our very own Dr. John Brown will be honored at Dr. Brown’s retirement honorary for the retiring John Brown, in his honor.
(You know, the more I look at the word honor, the more it looks like it should be pronounced “hoe-nore.”)
2. I uttered this sentence last week:
“That’s very… um… impressionism.”
Impressionism? I mean, that’s not even an adjective. I think the word I was going for was impressive, which is still wrong considering that the idea I was going for was “amusing.”