Adolescents and idol essence
This week, the music focus will be on teen pop, a genre which is honestly as well defined by the age of its contributors as any cohesive sound. Still, it’s hard to think of the pop landscape without visions of teenyboppers dancing in our heads like so many sugarplums. So, let’s take a closer look at three recent offerings from the youth of the industry.
JoJo, “Anything”
When considering teenage singers, JoJo is a hot fudge sundae among rice cakes. As in: she’s just better. That’s all there is to it. She has such great control and technique with her vocals, that it really was (and is) hard to believe she was 13 when “Leave” sat atop the pop charts. Her latest single is the low-key, mid-tempo “Anything.”
Repetitiveness: 5/10 (Moderate)
The track opens with the refrain from Toto’s 1982 hit “Africa,” then proceeds to play the main riff from that song a bajillionty times while JoJo sings over-top. Granted, it’s an awesome riff, but at a certain point, awesomeness is inversely proportional to prevalence, and hearing something for the 87,206th time is way less cool than the first. That being said, the riff stays in the background, and it winds up being more of a canvas than a drone, allowing JoJo to take center stage and keep the boat afloat.
Ability to get Toto stuck in your head for weeks: 10/10 (Dangerous)
Seriously, you guys? Can it stop? There’s an infinite loop of “Africa” running through my head, only I don’t actually know the whole song, so it’s just the refrain and the part that “Anything” samples. Which then makes me start singing “Anything,” so.. well played, JoJo. Well played.
Song rating: 6/10 (Good)
It’s nothing to write home about, and the lyrics are pretty par-for-the-course, but it’s got a catchy tune, and you can’t deny that JoJo’s got the pipes to back it up. Frankly, with a lesser singer, this would have seemed a far lesser song, but as is, it works. No, it doesn’t build up to a blowout moment like “Too Little Too Late” does, but it’s a breezy groove and a fun throwback to the ’80s.. a decade in which JoJo was not yet alive. Yeah, and now I feel old.
Hilary Duff, “With Love”
If nothing else, Hilary Duff is determined. Specifically, she’s determined to be a pop star, vocal ability be damned. Sometimes, her shortcomings have more-or-less-successfully been masked by solid, if cookie-cutter, pop sensibility. Now she’s back, and she’s dyed her hair brown, so you know that means she’s trying to be taken more seriously. The question is: does she deserve serious regard?
Lyrical content: 6/10 (Refreshing)
When I first saw the title, my initial reaction was vague-but-not-unexpected nausea. I very possibly rolled my eyes. But then I actually listened to the song, and I was pleasantly surprised. Pretty much, the lyrics are, “I know sometimes I get all crazy and worked up, so just tell me to chill the hell out.” Granted, they’re nothing earth-shattering, but at least it’s neither a cloying vow of forever-love nor a sad-but-scathing breakup letter. Golf claps for Miss Duff.
Choice of genre: 9/10 (Excellent)
There are certain genres that just work out better for “singers” with limited vocal prowess. New Wave synth-pop is high up on that list (just below “Instrumental”), so it’s a fine fit for the Duffster, whose voice isn’t quite the gold standard. It’s barely a wisp of a voice, riddled with little-girl affectation and prone to profound nasality. The thing is, I might as well have been talking about Kylie Minogue just then, and she’s made a killing sticking with that very same sound. Good girl, Hilary. Stay.
Song rating: 7/10 (Quite good)
This was a smart move on Hilary’s part (and on the part of whoever thought of it). It’s a light skip over to a sound that won’t alienate her fans but allows her to grow up without getting swallowed in the mess that “maturity” can make. It’s danceable, it’s subtly sexy without being sexed-up, and it’s just what we needed to forget the lemon-scented barf that was “The Beat of My Heart.”
Clique, “Worth the Wait”
When I set to writing this post, I was having a little trouble choosing the perfect third song to review. After all, teen pop is a half-dried puddle compared to the reservoir of hormones it was about seven years back. I’m not complaining (trust me, I’m not), I’m just saying. But then I came across an article, linked below, that introduced me to what I hope is not a sign of things to come. Ladies and gentlemen, straight from an elementary school near you.. it’s Clique.
Inherent creepiness: 8/10 (Hanson-esque)
At ages 10, 11, and 12, these sisters are cute and pleasant girls, I’m sure, but they’re also posing for the paparazzi while dressed up like pirates. If that doesn’t scream “stage parents,” I don’t know what does. Please, Mr. and Mrs. Cliquerson, let your daughters have their childhood. They only get one shot at it, and you’re strangling it away by turning them into living, breathing Bratz dolls. Save yourself the therapy money now.
Age-appropriacy: 1/10 (Equivalent to a nun wearing pasties)
No. No no no no no. The first line is “I had given up on love.” Need I remind you, YOU’RE ELEVEN. If we now live in a society where eleven-year-olds are jaded over not yet finding true love, then we have a major problem. I mean, THANK GOD the song is decidedly unsexual, but I still don’t want to hear about “all the nights [you] cried all alone.” Jesus, go make a macaroni necklace or something.
Song rating: 2/10 (Unfortunate)
The guitar riff is unoffensive, and their voices, although underdeveloped, are better than your average pre-teen’s.. but the song flatly sucks. It’s overwrought, it’s boringly treaded ground, and the age thing is a very thinly veiled gimmick. Really, unless they’ve got an unbelievable voice, there’s no reason for anyone under the age of 16 to enter a recording booth. It’s like.. okay, let’s say you’ve only got one arm. However, you’re still really good at golf, especially for someone with only one arm. (Bear with me, this’ll make sense in a minute.) But unless you’re a super-amazing golfer, independent of arm count, you should not be on the PGA tour. And that’s how I feel about Clique. Yeah, they’re good singers for the grade-school set, but if they’re not blowing everybody else out of the water, then what’s the point?
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